Saturday, November 22, 2014

my christmas wish list

my christmas list 2014

I didn't intend for my wish list to look like that of a typical teenage girly girl - but that's me I guess!
I thought this would be helpful for any of you struggling to think of what to get others or to put on your own list (first world problems, eh?) Strangely I'm not in that christmas spirit yet... I'll need to go shopping for gifts some evening and dedicate a day to lying up with festive films. Actually that's one of the things I'm looking forward to most right now - getting my A Level mocks over with so I can relax without feeling guilty.

A fujifilm polaroid camera has been on my wish list for a long time now. I've been so in love with polaroids (along with the majority of teenage girls recently) and although part of me thinks they might just be a novelty, I know people who take loads of them. There's something whimsical about the pictures and I can imagine keeping a scrapbook or sticking them up around my bedroom. I really don't take enough photos but I could totally fix that with one of these!

You may have noticed from my lack of beauty posts recently that I haven't been feeling passionate about any make-up products. I've been lusting after a YSL rouge volupte lipstick for over a year now and the colour extreme coral is my favourite currently. Their packaging is so damn pretty I could just sit and admire them all day long. My sister has the benefit brow zings kit and I think it's perfect - I should probably get my own one so I can stop sneaking into her room in the morning to use it. The hype surrounding the naked 3 palette is long over but the colours are perfect and I'm looking for a new eyeshadow palette. Nars is so well known for their bronzers and blushes, especially laguna and orgasm (that name, I know). I've wanted one of their products for the longest time so even if I don't get one for christmas I'm going to treat myself anyway.

Alexa Chung's book It was very popular last year but the mixed reviews and the price (I think the hardcover was £11, so not exactly going to break the bank but it's more than I'd like to spend on a book) put me off buying it straight away. I was always planning to get it (hehe It, get it?) but just never got around to it. I said 'it' too many times in that last sentence. Anyway I'd really like her book this year. Rookie Yearbook Three is high on my list - I don't need to rave about how wonderful rookie is cause doesn't everyone know by now? The yearbook makes christmas morning so much better, flicking through all the articles and pictures. Pretty Honest is a book I've seen on a few other blogs and I'm really intrigued by it.

Others things I'd love would be a subscription to vogue, sims 4 (bit nerdy) and the friends boxset. I've been watching reruns of friends on comedy central (and before that E4) for years now but I've still not seen every episode. It's just one of those familar, funny shows that instantly makes me feel better.

Do we want any of the same things for christmas? Are you excited yet? 

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Friday, November 14, 2014

"what do you wanna do when you're older?"

 I feel like my life has been one huge existential crisis since September.
From careers classes to reading depressing retrospective poetry in English I've suddenly realised - I'm growing up. And someday everything I'm familiar with now, everything I'm feeling, will just be a memory. HOW TERRIFYING IS THAT? There's a quote in one of my favourite films, 500 days of summer, that makes me kind of sad, 
"Most days of the year are unremarkable. They begin and they end with no lasting memory made in between. Most days have no impact on the course of a life." 
Sure, it's just stating a fact, but doesn't it highlight how mundane life really is? I'm probably not going to remember today because I did nothing special. And if you asked me what happened on November 14th 2011, I couldn't tell you. Sometimes I feel motivated, carpe diem and all that, but most days I grudgingly wake up after hitting the snooze button too many times, scrape my way through school and come home exhausted. Then repeat.
For six years now, or longer if you include primary school, I've been stuck in this routine and so the fact that it's all going to change soon... is one that I'm still getting used to. 

"What do you want to do when you're older?"
A question regularly asked by adults when you turn seventeen. And the truth is, I don't really know. I have a vague idea, an outline but the thought of applying to universities makes me feel nauseous. Not because I don't want to go to uni, I do, but since it's so expensive I have to be sure that the course I do is right for me. And how am I supposed to know what course is right for me?! When I think about my dream job it's not really a specific career but a bunch of things - I want to write for a magazine but also write books. I want to go to meetings, pitch ideas, organise things. I want to take photos, live in a city, travel.

And then there's the whole financial thing. Sure I can dream about running around London or New York, coffee in hand but how could I ever afford that? I'm not delusional, I know you can't just leave school and move into a pretty apartment that you'll come back to every evening after your creative, fulfilling job. 

Yet despite everything I've said, all my fears and worries about the years to come, at this stage in my life I feel like I have the ability to do anything. Go to China? Sure why not. Write a novel? Easy. Marry Harry Styles? Pfffff piece of cake. 
They say you get less fearless when you grow up. You realise that you're not invincible or special and that the world keeps spinning long after you've gone. Maybe that's the feeling adults remember when they reminisce about their teenage years - that courage, confidence and belief in ourselves that we have. I wouldn't necessarily say I'm a confident person but I dream big and since nothing has come in the way of those dreams yet, why would I not believe they'll come true?

The point of this post? I guess to reassure anyone else who is utterly confused but also hopeful about the future - you're not alone. Whether you know exactly what you want to do and where you want to go or you literally haven't got a notion, I think everyone feels the same way. It's terrifying. But here is to hoping that life won't be so bad... hey, it might even be kinda good.

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